From Where You Are
by Jaydee B Bailey
Summary: 'I miss all the little things' Helen/Nikola friendship and romance. Takes place before 'Awakening' and wonders off from there, making it AU. Mentions character death.
1. Chapter 1

This story is written for the Teslen monthly fic challenge on GW. The theme is "Gift'', but loosly interpretated. ;)  
It's been a while since I wrote FF and this one is another attempt to get my juices flowing. Is that a cliche? Probably, but I do bring fic, so...  
I hope you'll enjoy!

Sanctuary and/or it's characters are not mine.

**From Where You Are**

The world had turned mute. Because she stood still. When in time she would resume her walk, sound would return in it's distorted and dampened way. Helen turned to look at the tracks her heavy snow boots had made in the snow, leading back to where she had came from.

The wind blew in her face, slightly stinging the exposed skin.

_I do miss you…_

She looked up at the night sky and it's colour showed that more snow was to be expected.

_I know._

Helen bit her lower lip and wondered what she was doing here. And why exactly she was here. And frankly… she was also wondering where she was. Damn it.

* * *

''_North''_

''_I know, but where's…''_

''_Right this way.''_

''_How did you…?''_

''_I'm a magnet, remember? A genius one at that.''_

''_My own personal compass. I knew I would find a reason to keep you around…''_

_

* * *

_

She turned again, this time to take in her surroundings. _Gingerbread houses and snowmen made of sugar_. She smiled as she recalled his face. How he sounded rejecting, but tried to hide a smile. A warming memory, a cold night. And she was lost, but only a little.

''Oh dear, you'll catch a cold if you'll stay out there all night!''

She spun around to see where the voice was coming from. It was a tiny and round lady with grey hair in a bun. She smiled at Helen while wiping her hands on her apron.

''There's a snow storm heading this way and when it hits…''

She shuddered and ushered Helen to come in. The last looked around one final time and stepped up to the little woman.

''I was actually looking for 'Ethel's Inn'…''

The woman's eyes widened in surprise.

''You're looking at it, dear. Or well… the back of it, anyway. The entrance is on the other side, but come in, come in!''

Helen smiled as she followed the lady trough her kitchen and into the dining area. It was just as she remembered it. Cosy, old fashioned and warm.

''Any particular reason you were looking for the Inn?''

Nikola Tesla. One particular reason, but she wasn't planning on sharing that.

''Nostalgia, I guess.''

* * *

''_Told you I'd find the way''_

''_Nikola… this isn't 'the way', this is…''_

''_Dry. Because it has a roof and walls and… wine.''_

''_Yes, I see how wine would be a first need now.''_

''_Not now, always Helen. It's inspiring really''_

''_And we need inspiration for…?''_

''_Life in general.''_

_

* * *

_

She had arranged for a room. Number 6. It was as high as it went, room wise and somehow it comfortable to stay in the same one she had stayed in those years ago. Helen had changed into a dry, snow free pair of jeans, but travelling light meant that her snow boots were still warming her feet. Next to them, on a pillow on the floor, a Jack Russell terrier was softly snoring, completely ignoring the plate of food on the table.

The woman, who had introduced herself as Ella, was talking to a young couple at the table next to hers. Helen didn't want to listen in on their conversation and allowed for her mind to wonder off.

* * *

''_I could stare at it for hours, you know… At the falling snow…''_

''_I used to, when I was a child. Found it mesmerizing.''_

''_Not any more?''_

''_Helen, I have no time to stare at snow for hours now''_

''_Why not?'_

''_I need that time to… live. I'm mortal.''_

''_More reason to stop and stare, Nikola.''_

''_When I stopped and stared just now you scolded me.''_

''_You were staring at my behind!''_

''…_found that quite mesmerizing too…''_

''_Smart ass.''_

_

* * *

_

''Lost your appetite, dear?''

Helen snapped out of her musings and she noticed Ella standing by her table.

''No, not at all. It's delicious, really''

She smiled and looked up.

''I just… memories.''

The lady smiled back and nodded her head.

''Ah, yes. Those do tend to distract you.''

She gently padded her on the shoulder as she walked past her. Helen finished her dinner and wished that not the past, but the present could have been the source of distraction.

~TBC~

Haven't a clue what's going on? Then maybe you'll find some answers in the next chapter :D.

Thanks for your time!


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews!  
**I... can't really tell you anything about where this story is going. Just... know that I do love Nikola? Heh.  
Really. I do. *blinks*

Ok, chapter two, here we go!

* * *

**From Where You Are**

**~Chapter 2**

''_I do miss you…''_

''_I know.''_

''_I'm so sorry, Nikola.''_

''_I know that too.''_

The fire that had been burning had died hours ago and now Helen found herself not only sitting in a very dimly lit lounge all by herself, but it was also very cold. She had tried to sleep. Twice. And both attempts were unsuccessful. She pulled her feet up and snuggled in the big comfortable chair, which now had an abandoned book balancing on the armrest. Poetry might have been comforting to her, but she simply could not be bothered to stand up and turn the light on. It didn't matter anyway, because she was enjoying the way the moonlight got reflected in the falling snow on the other side of the window.

''_You're such a…''_

''_Handsome little devil?''_

''… _child!''_

''_You wound me. …You're ignoring me now? Really, Helen…''_

''_I'm not ignoring you. I'm eating your chocolate.''_

''_Yeah, that's the adult way to react, miss 'I'm 160 years old and counting'.''_

_

* * *

_

''Are you all right dear? Do you need anything?''

Helen turned to face Ella, who in turn was looking at her with a worried expression on her friendly face.

''No, thank you. I was just…''

She shrugged.

''Memories again? I guess it's the time of year. Snow, lights, short days… I take it that whatever thought is haunting you, is what brought you here?''

Helen nodded in response and smiled as Ella sat down in the chair next to her. In-between the two pieces of furniture stood a table on which the old (but certainly not older) woman put down two glasses of wine. She never asked Helen if she wanted to talk, but she wasn't pushing the conversation either.

''I've been here before, only once but it made quite the impression on me. It was snowing, just as it is now.''

The other woman squinted her eyes and took in Helen's face.

''I don't remember you. And I would have, because you look a lot like my daughter-in- law… It must have been before I took over from my mother. Ethel?''

Helen remembered Ethel, very well.

''Yes, she was a very nice woman.''

Ella slightly bowed her head and frowned and she wished she hadn't admitted to having known the woman's mother.

''…I was much younger at the time.''

* * *

''…_Did she just call me 'young man'? And did she wink at me?''_

''_She did indeed, Nikola. Isn't that flattering?''_

''_Well… considering the fact that she's not even half my age…''_

''_It's not like she knows that.''_

''…_and that she told me off for dragging snow into the inn…''_

''_Which you did.''_

''…_in that bossy way women use when they're …interested…''_

''_That's not interest, it's exhaustion''_

''…_I think it's scary. Back to the future scary.''_

''_What?''_

''_Like getting hit on by your own mother, but with the roles reversed. It's beyond wrong…''_

''_Well, it is difficult to find people our own age, Nikola.''_

''_I know, but she looks exactly like my grandma did.''_

_

* * *

_

It was supposed to have been an easy mission. A simple pick up job. The only reason that Nikola had come along was that he was bored and moments away from causing havoc at her Sanctuary. And, as she had to admit to herself, she had hoped that a short road trip could help them restore their relationship after all the strain events at that very same Sanctuary had caused. They had been in an uneasy place and Helen had hated it. He had kept one too many secret and pulled equally as many stupid tricks and in response to that, she had started to push him away, knowing fully well that he was just trying to look after her. In his own mysterious way.

''_We're lost.''_

''_Nonsense, Nikola.''_

''_We're lost and you're trying to deny it. What a cliché, Helen. And that coming from a worldly woman such like yourself?''_

''_I was trying to pick up the signal from the tag, we've just took a wrong turn somewhere…''_

''_And got lost.''_

''_And are momentarily unable to find the turn we were supposed to take.''_

''_You're a wordsmith. Potayto, Potaato, now say it with me…''_

''_Fine. We're lost. Lost, Nikola. Now make yourself useful and help me find the way back''_

They had stumbled across the Inn by accident, no matter what Nikola had said. Instead of leading them back to the road, he had somehow found the centre of a small village which seemed to have come straight from a classic Charles Dickens story. The only thing not making their journey turn into a fantasy Christmas story, was that the few people who were out were wearing modern jeans and thick jackets.

''_Oh swell. It's gingerbread houses and snowmen made of sugar.''_

''_Oh please, I'm hungry already, Nikola.''_

''_Should have brought some decent food.''_

''_I did.''_

''_Then where is it?''_

''_In the car…''_

''_Amateur.''_

_

* * *

_

''Oh, it's nice to hear stories about my mother. She passed away almost twenty years ago… Still miss her though.''

''I can imagine.''

Helen smiled sadly as a flash of Nikola's face passed trough her mind. Even though it only lasted a second or so, she felt her breath hitch. She had lived with guilt before. She had seen and done things she knew she could never make up for. She had tried to help John, she had tried to save her daughter, failing both of them for they simply could not be cured.

_I'm sorry, Nikola. I'm so sorry…_

''What's his name?''

Helen snapped out of it and stared at Ella.

''Who's name?''

The woman giggled, a sound Helen had not expected to come from her.

''The one who has driven you here. To a place you've been to only once, many years ago. The one who makes you stare out in the night and sigh.''

Smiles formed on both women's faces.

''Nikola. He's driven me crazy, too.''

Ella let out a short laugh and commented on how some men tend to do that and that it made them interesting. A statement Helen had to agree with.

''Where is he now?''

She stared at her hands and found that simple question hard to answer to.

_I'm sorry, Nikola. I'm so sorry…_

''He's gone now.''

~TBC~

* * *

That explains a lot, doesn't it? ... No?  
Ok, ok... It doesn't. But it will all be clear in the end. :)

Thanks for your time!


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews! :)  
**...and for the long wait.

* * *

**From Where You Are**

**~Chapter 3**

Somehow her very warm and fuzzy dream had turned into a nightmare and yet she hadn't waken up sweating or shaking or feeling uneasy. She had relived that moment so many times before that it had become part of the way her mind worked. Guilt had nestled, curled up in a corner of her mind and had proven to be a loyal house guest. She knew that there was no going back. No way she could change events that had taken place so long ago.

Still… here she was. Same place, same month, same type of weather… Even though the last was pure coincidence, it was poetic nonetheless.

It was early morning and a thick mist hung over the village unable to make it's inhabitants stay in. 'T was the season and it showed on people's faces. Helen made her way outside, carefully stepping over the patches of ice shining trough on places where the layer of snow wasn't as thick as it was elsewhere.

''Oh dear, it's slippery!''

Ella, dressed in thick winter gear, walked up to her and grabbed Helens sleeve when she nearly tumbled over again.

''My son keeps telling me I'm too old to wade trough the snow and I keep trying to prove him wrong…''

Helen allowed the woman to hook her arm trough hers as they continued to walk together.

* * *

_''Oh cra…''_

_''Watch your language, Nikola!''_

_''…nberry sauce! And stop giggling.''_

_''I can't. Watching you fight your way trough the snow is …adorable, really''_

_''Go make yourself useful and carry some firewood. We are, after all, equals.''_

_''You were the one volunteering, Nikola.''_

_''I only did that to not have to socialize… And you offered to come with me, so take these…''_

_''Maybe I just wanted you alone for a while…''_

_

* * *

_

Everything still pretty much looked like it did before. There was a little antiques shop, a grocery store, a toy store that only sold wooded toys. A bakery and a candy store. All together in a circle, as if they were hugging the open town square. The first time Helen had seen them had been at night, while light snow was drizzling down. Her arms had trembled under the weight of the firewood she had been carrying. She hadn't admitted that to Nikola, but he must have noticed, for he made a comment about how hard walking trough the snow was with baggage. He had set his own package of blocks on a bench and sat down without further comment. Helen's heart made a small jump when she noticed that even the bench still stood were it had been before. A smile lit up her face.

''Things don't really change here, do they?''

Ella looked up at her, grinning.

''If people want change, they move to the city. Most inhabitants seem to have a bit of a melancholic nature here.''

''That can be a good thing.''

''It can, but it can also stop you from moving on when you need to.''

Helen glanced at the other woman's face and knew that she was right. Maybe it was time for her to let go. Completely, instead of most of the time.

* * *

_''So… you wanted me alone?''_

_''You were listening?''_

_''I always am, Helen. I just sometimes choose to ignore you.''_

_''Funny.''_

_''I worked as a comedian in the late seventies.''_

_''Really? …No you didn't.''_

_''Ok, I didn't, but I could have…''_

_''Not really''_

_''So. You wanted me alone because?''_

_''Because we used to be friends.''_

_

* * *

_

She waved at Ella when she disappeared around the corner and bent down to wipe the snow off the bench so she could sit down. The temperature had dropped and the mist had started to clear a little. Helen placed her elbows on her knees and folded her hands together. She had forgotten to take her gloves with her but she didn't mind.

_''We're still friends, Helen.''_

_''Are we? Really?''_

He had looked at her and she had seen a glimpse of hurt. If there was a moment she would remember forever it was that fraction of a second. She had never really known where she stood with Nikola Tesla. The fine lines, the boundreys of their relationship had always been mobile. They had always been moving. Helen closed her eyes and focused on the tingling in her cold fingertips to try to get that moment out of her head. It wasn't working.

_''I'm not sure.''_

She had been hurt too. Not because Nikola had stated what she had felt as well, but because somehow, having him say it out loud made it hit home.

_''What changed between us, Nikola?''_

Silence had greeted her and she knew that silent Tesla was never a good sign. It meant he was thinking about things that didn't relate to science or to solving a puzzle. If Nikola had no words, he was thinking about something he wasn't willing to share. He had shrugged and avoided looking at her this time.

_''We've been worlds apart. Mentally. And with apart I mean apart as in we can only get there by ship or horse and it'll take us months to close the gap.''_

_''Nikola, we've been working together on the city and…''_

_''And working together is all we've done. In the name of science and adventure and in the end out of necessity. You were this close to dying and what did we do? We both hid away in our own little worlds inside the Sanctuary. We ran away from each other and from ourselves.''_

_''I just wasn't ready to say goodbye to anyone.''_

_''Would you have done so had you known for sure that you were about to die, Helen? Give me the honest answer.''_

_

* * *

_

''Scuse me.''

Helen looked up from her sitting position and found herself looking into the face of a small boy with freckles on his face and a grin that made her smile.

''My carrot's under the bench and I need it for my snowman.''

Helen looked down and caught a glimpse of the bright orange vegetable. She bent down and picked it up.

''Here you are.''

''Thank you''

The boy gave her a small smile in return as he took the object from her. He looked over his shoulder and Helen noticed that his attention was directed to a group of older children who were having a snowball fight. He hesitated to move.

''So… how does a carrot end up under a bench?''

He shrugged and looked at Helen again.

''The big boys threw it away and I had to go look for it… They're not very nice.''

Helen smiled sympathetically and the boy saw the reaction as a reason to sit next to her on the bench.

''I'm Milo, what's your name?''

He looked up at her with his big brown eyes, his problem completely forgotten. His curiosity had obviously gotten the best of him. She told him her name and he shook her hand politely. Milo immediately started to explain how carrots grow, how his parents lived right across from where they were sitting and that there were monsters in the woods and Helen finally had something else on her mind than Nikola Tesla.

TBC

* * *

A short one this time, to make the wait shorter and the next chapter longer ;)


	4. Chapter 4

I'm a sucky updater. I know... :o  
Thanks for your time and the reviews :)

* * *

**From Where You Are**

**~Chapter 4**

The little things, the shortest moments and the small gestures always seemed to have the biggest and the most powerful influence in the way she remembered people. A smile. A single sentence or an object that was meaningless to anyone but her. Helen Magnus, who would most likely turn 200 within a timeframe that would fly by for her, had developed mechanisms to store those memories without losing track. And without those memories driving her completely mad. Once in a while however, she needed some time off to put things in perspective. Address whatever issues kept bothering her. Sinking ships, John Druitt, her daughters death, the source blood, the holographic city, the Big Guy's cooking… Some issues had been bigger and more horrible than others, some seemed so small now that she was looking back at them. She wished she had handled things differently and she was proud at how she solved certain others, but she knew that there was no way she could go back and change events that had occurred. Still… it was knowledge that never stopped her from _wishing_ that she could.

* * *

_''I just wasn't ready to say goodbye to anyone.''_

_''Would you have done so had you known for sure that you were about to die, Helen? Give me the honest answer.''_

''_I don't know, Nikola… I wouldn't have known how.''_

''_Would it have been that hard? I d remember a time in which we hardly needed words to communicate. Which, I must admit, was a very useful means of communication, considering the fact that I was hardly British. And frankly… I'm hurt. For real, this time.''_

''_It's not like we did a great job saying goodbye before that…''_

…

''_Ok, you do have a point there…''_

* * *

She woke up from yet another dreadful dream and it wasn't even time for dinner yet. Helen rubbed her eyes and suddenly got overwhelmed by the confining surroundings of her room. Walls seemed to come at her and she had trouble breathing. She sat up on her bed and realized that she had fallen asleep when all she had wanted to do was to rest her head. Milo had gone on and on to her about the monsters, in a way only children could. Excited, curious and with a feel for great adventure. She had smiled and allowed him to indulge in his stories. She had pretended not to have heard about it all before. Monsters in the woods…

Sure, there were parts of the story that had been blatantly wrong and if Will would ever had indulged in urban legends as much as Milo had, she would have glared or rolled her eyes at him, but everything the little boy had so enthusiastically told her came from the passing of tales, mouth to mouth, generation to generation. Helen disliked the phrase 'monsters'. She disliked the cliché that they ate children or only came out at night, sent by a dark force. It was what parents told their young when they did not want them to wonder off into the forest and get lost. Protection by fear. Monsters.

''_Did you hear that, dear? Monsters!''_

* * *

''_Nikola…''_

''_They devoured Timmy Michaels, even''_

''_Please?''_

''_All of him. Clothing and hair, only a little dirt stained shoe was found''_

''_Oh for heavens sake…''_

''_Poor little Timmy got dragged into the woods when night fell, by a creature with red glowing eyes and big pointy teeth…''_

''_It looks like a chubby teddy bear, Nikola.''_

''…_and the monster had him for dinner.''_

''_It's a vegetarian!''_

''_Tell that to Little Timothy.''_

''_Will you stop smirking?''_

''_I can't. I'm so …scared… It's pure fear. I'm terrified''_

''_Stop making fun of my abnormal.''_

''…_You're going to give him a collar with his name aren't you?''_

''… _no…''_

Helen missed him. Much more than she thought she would. She had always known that she cared, but never had she realised how much she needed him to be there. Alive and annoying. Making her bite her lip to stop herself from laughing in response.

''_He likes you!''_

''_Stop laughing and get it off of me. It …smells.''_

''_That's because it's mating season for him, Nikola.''_

''_What?''_

''_The species likes to reproduce in the winter and…''_

''_That was a rhetorical what, now please help me move it? I bet that Timmy didn't get eaten, but got squashed instead.''_

''_You know that there has never been a Timothy Michaels here, don't you?''_

''_You checked?''_

''_Of course I did.''_

''_My Helen, you even look smug…''_

* * *

She had dreamt about him and the thought of him ever finding out actually made her chuckle. Helen stood in front of the mirror, looking at her own reflection as if it was a new one all together. She looked pretty much the same as she did all those years ago, down to the colour of her hair but something had changed. It had been Will who had pointed it out to her first and over time, more and more people had tried to tell her the same in varying ways. She looked more tired, less alive and still she was ploughing on. Making the world a better place. She thought it was still her main goal in life, making sure humans and abnormals could co-exist. To learn from each other. To love and accept and sing Kumbaya by the fire. No one knew what had happened between her and Nikola, and therefore no one knew how much she felt like a hypocrite. _I killed him. _She balled her fingers into a fist and closed her eyes for a short moment. It wasn't like she couldn't face herself, because she could. She could look at herself in the mirror to stare all she wanted without feeling the need to look away and she hated herself for that. _Look at me. See me. _She opened her eyes and found that she was biting her lower lip without feeling the pain. _I killed him. I killed… _She turned around and faced the window, behind which it had yet again begun snowing. _Look at me, Helen._ No. She shook her head and waited for the thoughts to leave her mind.

* * *

''_We have an abnormal hidden in the closet, Helen…''_

''_It's not like we could have put it somewhere else, now could we?''_

''_Yeah, but…''_

''_Stop pouting, Nikola.''_

''_Easy for you to say. It didn't try to hump you, now did it? And stop giggling, it doesn't suit you.''_

''_I think it's your hair, it looks awfully like it's mate's behi…''_

''_Don't even think about finishing that sentence!''_

''_If it helps, I do find it quite endearing…''_

''…_that my hair looks like Teddy's backside?''_

''_To see you pout over something so silly. And did you just call it Teddy?''_

''_You find me endearing?''_

''_This conversation isn't going anywhere is it?''_

''_You find me endearing…''_

* * *

It didn't hurt and she knew it should. She could feel it throbbing, she could feel the liquid cooling down as it got exposed to the relative cool air around her. She could feel, just not the pain. Helen descended the stairs quietly, hoping not to alert anyone. She had now missed dinner by hours and the halls of the inn were silent. Ella's little office was at the end of the short hall, three steps from the main entrance and Helen could see the light shining. She took a deep breath as she clutched her wrist and stepped into the room.

''Excuse me, Ella?''

The old woman's head snapped up at the sudden sound and she knew she should have knocked first. She noticed how Ella's eyes fixated on Helen's face before landing on her still clutching hands. One holding on to the other wrist, one was clutching a bright red paper towel. Ella gasped and stood up.

''Do you happen to have a first aid kit?''

''Oh dear, what did you do!''

''I…''

Helen looked at her hand, which was shaking and covered with blood. Of course it was.

_Look at me. _

_No…_

''It was an accident. I didn't mean to… I'll pay for the damage.''

''Whatever it is can wait, dear. First things first. Let's take a look at that hand.''

Helen nodded and took the seat Ella offered her. She barely registered what the other woman was doing and saying, but it felt soothing. She looked down at the blood being washed away and the bandages being applied. Three big gashes and some smaller cuts, she would live. She felt tears stinging and she hoped they were caused by the pain she still couldn't really feel.

* * *

''_Look at me, Helen.''_

''_No…''_

''_Helen…''_

''_Nikola, I can't just…''_

''_Yes you can. Just do it! Now!''_

''_No!''_

She pulled her hand back as she stared at the bloodstains on her jeans.

''All done, sweethart.''

''Thank you.''

She smiled and tried not to think about the mess her life had become without anyone knowing it. It was all her own doing. This time, there was no Cabal to blame, no virusses…

''I ruined your mirror. I… It's shattered, I'm sorry.''

''Don't worry about that old thing… It looks you're in an equal state, honey.''

''It feels like I'm slowly going crazy and I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do.''

''…About that man? What was his name again? Nicholas?''

''Nikola. And it's quite complicated.''

''Complicated enough to hurt yourself over it? I assume that's what happened…''

''I killed him. In the forrest.''

Ella's jaw dropped and she blinked twice before squinting her eyes. Helen knew she was examining her, trying to figure out whether or not she had a mad murderer under her roof. It was the simple truth. Helen Magnus had killed Nikola Tesla and there was nothing she could do about it now. He wouldn't come back. He would never tell Helen that it was ok. She had personally murdered her friend.

''You killed him?''

Helen nodded, desperatly trying not to sink back into the almost psychotic daze she had found herself in more than a few times in the last couple of weeks. A daze in which she lost the wrld around her, only to remember each and every detail of that night as if she was living it at that very moment. The warm blood on her hands that gradually cooled down as she sat next to Nikola's body, his eyes staring up at her without being able to see... The snow, twigs, the breeze, the cold.

''I didn't want to, but I did. I shot him and he just...''

* * *

''_Look at me, Helen.''_

''_No…''_

''_Helen…''_

''_Nikola, I can't just…''_

''_Yes you can. Just do it! Now!''_

''_No!''_

''_Helen!''_

''_I... This isn't you. You would never...''_

''_Please. Please listen to me. Allow me some dignity.''_

He had asked her to do it. That was supposed to be the part that made it all justifyable. It was supposed to work that way, but it didn't. Helen had pointed her gun at him, aiming for the chest because deep down she knew that she could never live with the memory of him with a hole in the head. She had known at the time that it wasn't fair to him, but she had chosen for her own well being. Another thing she now needed to deal with. Or had dealt with. She didn't know anymore. Maybe she couldn't really face her reflection in the mirror any longer.

**~TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**From**** Where You Are **

**-Chapter 5**

Four minutes past midnight. Another day had started, but it didn't feel like it at all. Helen wrapped her hands around the mug with warm milk that Ella had handed her and looked at the grey haired woman, trying to find a sign of fear after having heard Helen's confession. There was nothing. Maybe she didn't believe it, maybe she just trusted Helen not to kill her as well.

''Tell me what happened, darling.''

She put down the mug without having taken as much as a sip from the milk and shrugged.

''No one knows. Not even the people who ought to...''

She had come home afterwards. Like she always had. Henry had met her in the hallway to go over the latest computer updates. Will had been waiting in her office and Kate had dropped in shortly after. They had all been there, spread accross the room_. Where's Tesla?_ She wasn't sure who had asked. Maybe she had known, but after all those years, the echo in her head seemed to have morphed into a voice she couldn't quite place. _He's gone._ She had tried to say it. _Dead. He's dead and I did it._ She couldn't and it had been so unlike her. It had been Will who made the assumption that Nikola had left and for a reason still unknown to her, Helen decided to leave it that way.

She fiddled with the bandage on her arm and realized Ella was staring at her, waiting for her to elaborate. She had no idea where to start.

''My work... It ... ''

''_We have an abnormal hidden in the closet, Helen…''_

''...it deals with a lot of unknown factors. Certain dangers. I can't tell you a lot about it, but basically I study creatures that do not fit into the world of common sense. Living beings you won't find in popular scientific descriptions...''

''You study monsters.''

''_Did you hear that, dear? Monsters!''_

''Not quite. They're just... different. Abnormal.''

Ella was still staring at her and Helen was sure that the other woman thought she was insane. Much to her surprise, Ella nodded.

''The story of Timmy Michaels. Eaten by a creature in the forest.''

Helen had hoped to never have to hear that name again, but there it was. The boy that never really excisted. A myth. The small town legend who brought monster hunters to a place with a name no one ever recalled.

''That's the one.''

''_It got out''_

''_Funny Nikola.''_

''_I'm serious. It isn't here...''_

''_Did you look for it?''_

''_Helen... That thing is the size of a big dog, I highly doubt it could fit into the pocket of your pants.''_

''_We need to find it. Now.''_

''_Now? Why?''_

''_Because. It's mating season.''_

''Nikola and I... We went looking for the creature.''

Ella frowned but having probably seen her fair share of monster hunters had made her able to not flinch or roll her eyes at that. Helen had decided not to tell her about them hiding the abnormal in a closet. Even though she was telling a perfect stranger about what happened to Nikola, because she just had to, she would not give her full disclosure about her work.

She felt mute. Flat. A state of mind that she wasn't unfamiliar to. Helen let her eyes rest on Ella's face and knew that she would have to lie to her. She might be able to understand. Maybe. But Helen couldn't take the risk. She shouldn't have broken down. It was a mistake.

''We split up, it was dark. The gun went off by accident. It happened fifteen years ago and we were young and reckless... I shot him and he didn't make it.''

She was certain that Ella believed her. Lying was something that could be learnt. The other woman shook her head in sympathy and put a hand on Helen's knee in order to soothe her. The fake story seemed to have made Ella feel better about having a killer staying at her inn.

''It probably wasn't your fault''

''It was, Ella. Really. I was the one who pulled the trigger. I was the one who-''

''Survived. You lived on Helen. Stop beating yourself up over this. I think you've been punishing yourself long enough.''

Helen faked a small smile, while guilt build up inside her. She couldn't face Ella any longer. She would never have said that had she known the truth. A lifetime worth of self punishment wouldn't make things right...

* * *

''_It has bigger paws than your butler.''_

''_The marks just look longer because it slightly drags it's feet.''_

''_Oh swell. We have an ice skating, smelly ball of fur on the loose which, just to top all that, is looking for a mate in the freezing cold''_

''_It's not really smelly, Nikola.''_

''_Did you put roasted peanuts up your nose? It smells like-''_

''_I heard something.''_

''_How convenie...''_

* * *

_Don't be afraid. Don't give up. Hold on. Move on. Stay alive. Let go._ Helen wasn't sure what else she could tell herself to feel better. She paced trough her room and winced when she glanced at the remains of the broken mirror on the wall. She was losing control and she hated it. She had created a rather long path of destruction in her long life...

''_Nikola! No!''_

He spun around so that he was facing her and the lack of emotion on his face was the first thing that tipped her off. It was all wrong. After a couple of seconds, his gaze travelled to his abdomen, causing Helen's to follow suit. All wrong. The claw marks seemed to be lit as the blood shimmered in the light coming from the moon. His hands covered the largest of the wounds, but she had seen enough to know what she would find underneath them.

By the time his legs gave up on him, Helen found herself by his side. The cold snow made her knees feel sore, her hands tingle and his blood freeze slowly.

''_Helen...''_

She tried and tried. Did everything she possibly could do in the short period of time that had passed between the event and the realisation that the situation was bad.

''_I'll go call an ambulance and-''_

''_Helen.''_

''_- we need to get you to a hospital where hey can fix...''_

''_Helen! This will be over before you're back in town.''_

He had pushed himself to speak while his breathing became unstable. He was suffering. She knew he was, eventhough she couldn't accept it.

''_Please make it fast.''_

The way he looked at her made her realise that he wasn't talking about her walk back to town. He had gestured to the gun she had tossed aside when she had started to try to stop the beeding and Helen shook her head in response.

''_Look at me, Helen.''_

''_No…''_

''_Helen…''_

''_Nikola, I can't just…''_

''_Yes you can. Just do it! Now!''_

''_No!''_

''_Helen!'_

''_I... This isn't you. You would never...''_

''_Please. Please listen to me. Allow me some dignity. This is a horrible way to die.''_

Once again she looked at his body. _Really_ looked as opposed to the hidden glances she had shot in that direction many times before. Funny how that worked. Her eyes came to rest on the bloody mess his torso now was. He was in pain. He must have been. He was bleeding out, organs were failing and chances were that he was to suffocate slowly. He didn't deserve to die like that. No one did.

Her gun had melted the snow where it had come in contact with it. The metal had warmed up after Helen had shot her teddy bear abnormal. One shot in the head and the creature had fallen. A fraction too late. Her fingers found the handle and just when she thought she couldn't find the strength to actually grab it, they clenched the weapon as if they weren't part of the body.

Helen didn't remember the gun being as heavy as it now felt.

''_I'm sorry, Nikola. I'm so sorry…''_

''_I meant what I said before. Don't ever forget.''_

She pointed the weapon and fought the urge to close her eyes so she wouldn't have to see. What if she missed? Or made it worse? Her eyes locked with his for the last time and she knew that she had to do it. For him. _I'm ordinary. I'm mortal._ She aimed for the right spot. For herself. Not the head. Not the face she had grown to adore in secret.

_''Do it.''_

_''God, Nikola...''_

_''Please!''_

She felt the curve of the trigger and with one gentle movement, she pulled it.

* * *

Helen could sill hear the echo of the gunshot in her head. She needed air. Now. She hurried outside where she breathed is deeply. She shouldn't have come here. It was a mistake. At home, the urge to take this 'trip to the past' had been so strong and it had seemed so right. She would get closure. She would smother the voice in her head that was telling her that she was the one who ended Nikola's life. The same voice who kept shouting that she left him there. That she should at least have taken his body home. Why? Why had she come back?

The dark of the night could swallow her then and there, for all she cared.

* * *

Helen put her hands in her sides and looked up at the stars as she breathed out slowly. Her breath made thick white clouds which lit up in the yellow cast from the street lanterns and a small smile formed on her lips. Good heavens. That man still managed to drive her crazy. She was turning into a mad woman who broke mirrors and scared old ladies.

''Fine Nikola. You've won. I still adore you. I still adore every arrogant and annoyingly endearing habit you ever had and I _hate_ that!''

She yelled at the sky. She wasn't sure she wanted to believe in heaven, but it felt right at the moment. She was panting and she knew people might hear her, but she could always fake being drunk later. God, she missed him. She grabbed a handful of snow, made a ball out of it and threw it against a nearby trashcan. Expert shot, even now.

''Nice.''

She turned around to see the face belonging to the voice and found a man grinning at her. Dark hair, slender built... Wrong eye colour. He looked around, searching.

''Am I disturbing a fun conversation with yourself? 'Cause if I am, I'll leave.''

Helen shook her head, not sure what to say. The man took her silence as a rejection, shrugged and started to walk away.

''I uh... I've already had too many conversations with myself lately.''

He turned around and shot another grin at her, hope written all over his face.

''Well then... maybe you should converse with me?''

He was a little young and Helen didn't want him to get his hopes up, but she needed a friendly face. One to whom she hadn't just confessed a death by fault. She needed her mind not to drift to Nikola every five minutes.

''I don't see why not.''

She managed another smile and followed him into the bar.

* * *

''Wine for the lady!''

''Trying to get her drunk, Tommy?''

The guests laughed as the bartender winked at Helen. It was a small bar and because of that, she wondered if the entire adult population of the town was gathered there. People were shouting merrily, raising their glasses and singing, murdering the lyrics of popular songs.

''Wanda! Tommy brought a lady with him. We need more wine!''

Next to her Tom sighed, but his eyes sparkled with amusement. On the other side of he bar Wanda, blond middle aged and though, sighed as well.

''I'm busy here. Ask Benny to grab those bottles for you.''

''Benny! Wine!''

Helen looked at the glas Wanda handed her and she knew that a hangover might be in the cards for her. She didn't really care. Tommy started speaking to her, but while she downed the wine a voice distracted her in an unpleasant way.

''My name isn't Benny.''

The glass froze mid air and her eyes grew wide.

''You don't know that for sure, now do you?''

Helen turned around slowly in order not to break the spell, or at least be able to hold on to that glimmer of hope for a little while longer.

''It just doesn't feel right.''

Benny put a cardboard box filled with bottles of wine on the counter and turned to face the bartender. He made a light gesture with his hans before wiping them off with a towel. Helen took a step closer and completely forgot about Tom, who now stared at her in wonder. She reached over the bar and gently cupped Benny's face. His hair was turning a litttle grey by his temples and his face seemed a little more worn than it had before, but his eyes... They were so unmistakingly his.

''My god...''

He stared at her, but didn't pull away. He was fascinated, she could tell. She let her fingers trace the line of his jaw and the world around her seemed to fade to the background. It was him. It couldn't be, but it was. It must have been...

''...Nikola?''

**~TBC**

**Again. Thanks for your time!**


	6. Chapter 6

Back to writing :)**  
**Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and waiting!

* * *

**From**** Where You Are**

**~Chapter 6**

''...Nikola?''

He just stood there, blinking and staring, probably matching her own expression. Helen let the hand that had been cupping his face drop to her side. This was a dream. Another one of those unnerving dreams in which Nikola was still alive, just to die by her hand all over again. She tried to will herself awake and she expeced to feel the jolt that indicated that she had returned to reality any time now. _Snap out of it Magnus. Now._ She briefly closed her eyes, but nothing happened.

''I'm sorry ma'am, but I think you're mistaking me for...''

''No. No I'm not.''

He gave her a funny look and Helen felt desperation creeping up on her. She wasn't crazy. Not really. She worked with Abnormals, for heavens sake. She knew she was right. This was Nikola Tesla. Her Nikola, only older as if nothing had happened to him fifteen years ago. He had aged as if he hadn't died. It had to be him, but why didn't he recognise her? Then, almost on cue, the expression in his eyes softened. There they were, gazing at each other with the bar the only barrier between them, frozen in the moment.

''Who am I?''

She didn't know what to say, not where to start.

''I'm not entirely sure.''

Wanda had been listening in on their conversation and was now eyeing Helen, who in turn felt very uncomfortable under her gaze. The other woman crossed her arms and bent over the bar as if she was using her cleavage as a weapon. She cocked an eyebrow and nodded at Helen.

''You for real?''

Helen nodded back and bit her lip. She was confused. Her head felt heavy and most importantly, she was shocked. Wanda turned to Nikola and put a hand on his arm.

''Take the rest of the night off, hon.''

Nikola, or rather 'Benny' glanced at Helen before nodding at Wanda. People seemed to do that a lt around her. He threw the towel he had been holding on to on the box of wine and motioned at Helen to go outside. He kept her waiting for a little while, but when he stepped out of the bar, her heart skipped a beat. The posure, the way he moved... The only thing that differed between Benny and the Nikola she had known, was the choice of wardrobe. He was wearing jeans and a thick coat, making him seem ...ordinary.

''I'm sorry for making you wait.''

''It's OK.''

She smiled at him, knowing that 'her' Nikola Tesla would have easily seen how forced that smile was. She had no idea where to start. How could he possibly explain what had happened to him all those years ago? And how could *she*? Helen took a deep breath, hoping that he would be the one to start this conversation. He did.

''What did you call me in there?''

Basic information. That she could do.

''Nikola. It's a Serbian name.''

''Serbian? That explains a few things...''

He moved his hand trough his hair and sighed. He hadn't really looked her in the eyes yet and she was hoping he would do so very soon.

''So... you know me? ''

Helen let out a soft laugh. Did she? Had she ever really known Nikola Tesla, or had she known the man he had wanted her to know? She wasn't sure anymore. There had been a time in which she had been positive that she had him down. Able to sum up his every fault and quality...

''I do. Sort of.''

He said nothing, waiting for her to continue. She raised her hand to touch his face again, but hesitated to actually do so. The mischief in his eyes, his sometimes infuriating smirk, they were gone.

''I can't tell you everything you should know yet. Not here. It's complicated and you wouldn't believe me if I did, but...''

His eyebrows shot up and she could tell he was contemplating just how much of a nutcase she was.

''...I could give you the basics and ask you to trust me. To come home with me.''

He blinked and looked over his shoulder as if the bar was the only thing providing him security or comfort. Helen's thoughts drifted to the people in it and wondered what kind of role they filled in Nikola's life now. What about Wanda? What if he had found a sanctuary of his own right here? Helen knew it was selfish, but she needed him back.

''Nikola?''

His attention returned to her immediately.

''You're asking me to take quite the leap of faith. Go home with you without any solid information? I have no idea who you are, what you want from me... you never even told me your name.''

Helen felt the urge to either cast her eyes to the floor or raise her hands in frustration.

''My name is Helen. We used to be friends and yes. I am asking you to take a leap of faith, Nikola. Look around you. Is this really what you want? Is this a place you can truely call home? Where you feel at ease? Because I think it isn't, memory loss or not! ''

''Are you always this firece, Helen?''

''Yes.''

They stared at each other for a minute, maybe two before Helen felt insecurity creep up on her. He was going to refuse. Tell her that he had a life that suited him just fine. That Wanda was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his made up life with. Fifteen years had passed already and while it wasn't all that much to her, it was a long time for him. He was mortal and had no idea just how long he had lived already. She scraped her troath to brake the silence.

''Don't you want to know?''

He remained silent a little while longer and she could see the inner battle reflected in his eyes.

''I do. Of course want to know. I'm just not sure if I can fully trust you.''

Helen bit her lip, trying not to laugh, but she failed miserably. Nikola pulled a funny face in response, unaware of which part of what he had just said was so amusing.

''It's up for you to decide. You're perfectly capable to make up your own mind about this Nikola, but let me tell you that if there's anyone who can help you get your life back, it's me. I can't tell you anything here, you need to_ see_ it to believe it.'' She took his hand. ''I'm staying at the Inn and I'll be leaving early in the afternoon. Please be there?''

She walked off, hoping that his curiousity would lead him back to her.

.

* * *

.

Helen had been twisting and turning, tossing her sheets aside and fluffing her pillow several times. She couldn't sleep. She was so close. He would show up. Of course he would. And if by any chance he would let her down, she would stay and convince him that he was better off with her. Maybe she shouldn't have left him there, at the bar and confused. Maybe she should have explained everything to him right there and then. She sighed and sat up in bed, running a hand trough her hair.

He was alive.

She needed answers. It wasn't possible that he was. She could know being the one who had shot him in the first place... A cracking sound by the door distracted her. The floorboards. Helen sat up in the bed and turned on the light next to her. She always held her gun within arms reach and today was no exception. For a moment, her breathing was the only sound to be heard and just when Helen started to think it had all been in her head, another sound followed. A soft knock on the door.

She walked towards the door, barefoot and no doubt looking like she had just tumbled out of bed. Which was true, but still... She let her fingers run trough her hair in a weak attempt to flatten her wild locks. There were two people who had somewhat of a reason to knock at her door. Ella, the owner of the inn and...

''Nikola''

He still seemed to be uncomfortable, but the fact that he was there, outside her room in the middle of the night made Helen feel a little better.

''Hi''

He smiled almost sheepishly and ran his hand trough hs unruly hair.

''I don't usually show up at womens doors in the middle of the night, I swear...''

She pulled a face in response and held the door open for him while realising that she was wearing nothing more than what she had been wearing in bed. She looked at Nikola and found it oddly comforting that he was hiding the fact that he had been glancing at her bare legs just as she had expected him to do.

''Actually...''

His head shot up and his amused expression urged her to continue.

'''...you 've always liked sneaking into my bedroom on the most inappropriate times.''

His mouth fell open ever so slighty and if Helen wuldn't have known better, she would have thought he was blushing.

''Now that's something I'm sure I'd love to remember.''

He muttered it but Helen heard it all.

''I'm sure you would.''

He stood in the middle of the room, looking a little lost but not uncomfortable anymore. A shadow of his once so ever present cheeky grin appeared on his face, but it was masked by something else. Curiousity maybe... She hated not knowing what was going on in that complicated mind of his.

''Did I... have a reason to sneak into your bedroom? ''

No innuendo. No teasing twinkle in his eyes. He was being sincere.

''I'm sure you had.''

''That's not an answer.''

''I know.''

They stood, staring at each other. This was the moment where Nikola, had he been himself, would have made a joke, or changed the subject. He wasn't though. And Helen knew he would wait for a real answer untill... Well, she wasn't even sure about_ that_ now.

''Listen, Helen. I know you want to take me ..._home_ before you re-introduce me to my probably fascinating life, but at least tell me this before I decide to get into a car with Mary Mystery. Was there ever something going on between us?''

She hesitated and she knew he noticed.

''Yes. ...No. Not really. I... don't know.''

''Ah like that, huh? OK. ''

He shrugged and grinned for real now.

''Why were you so determined to know?''

''Just making sure you have no reason to shoot me sometime during our little roadtrip.''

She shuddered at him mentioning her shooting him, but she flashed a smile the moment he finished his sentence.

''You're coming with me?''

He nodded and she surpressed the urge to throw her arms around him. Instead, she simply told him she was glad that he was.

''I'm sure adventure awaits me.''

Helen chuckled. If only he knew...

.

.

**TBC**

* * *

I promise to update faster than before. ;)  
Thanks for your time!


	7. Chapter 7

Woo! Back in the swing.  
Thank you for reading and coming back and reviewing!

* * *

**From ****Where You Are**

**~Chapter 7**

She had said her goodbyes, apologized to Tom for leaving him behind and she had promised Ella to come back soon. Nikola had taken his time in the bar and Helen couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that creeped up on her when she considered the possibility of her friend without memory hooking up with that blonde... woman. Normally, Wanda wouldn't have been Nikola's type, but really... How could he know that? Plus she didn't really have the right to be so judgemental. She glanced to the side, where Nikola was staring at the landscape flashing by.

''It's going to be a long drive, but we could stop somewhere to have tea?''

''Alright''

He didn't look at her and it made her feel a little uneasy. Sure, he seemed determined to find out who he was, but he had gone silent and she didn't like it. She wanted him back.

''So... what have you done the past fifteen years?''

She cringed at how the question sounded combined with the slighty tense atmosphere in the car. Luckily, Nikola didn't mind.

''Not much. I waited, fixed electrical appliances and worked at the bar.''

''Nikola...''

She wanted to tell him she was sorry, come up with excuses for not having looked for him sooner. She wanted to make everything right again. Make him right again.

''I know, it's probably not as great a life as I used to have, but it's nice.''

He turned to face her with eyes so blue and bright that they made her breath hitch for a second.

''Yes or no.''

''What?''

He smiled. A little shy and uncertain, but still...

''Just answer yes or no. But you don't have to. Was I married? Children?''

''No, on both counts.''

She matched his smile and decided that she could do this if it lifed his spirits. Keep him going until all could be revealed. His full name, how they knew each other and oh yeah... that he was an ex-vampire who could manipulate electricity and now was blessed with magnetism, a little fact she had forgotten to ask him about.

''Good person?''

''Yes... Most of the time''

''Good company?''

''That depends on the occasion.''

He frowned and grinned at the same time. He was getting intrigued and looked as if he had encountered an unexpected, but challenging problem while working on an invention.

''Good kisser?''

''Yes.''

She flinched and felt a blush creeping up on her. He let it slide, but let out a small laugh.

''What did you miss most about me?''

''That's not a yes or no question, Nikola''

''Spoilsport''

''Child.''

''You wound me.''

She stared out of the window, pretending to be distracted by the road in front of them. In reality she was thinking about how familiar this conversation was.

''You're ignoring me now? Really?''

She gave him a playful slap on his leg, but remained silent.

''Who's the child now?''

He sat back and huffed, but Helen saw the corner of his mouth curl up from amusement.

''Your passion. I guess I missed your passion most of all.''

* * *

''_Do you realise how romantic this could have been? You and me, strolling trough a snow covered landscape with those horrible little houses in the background...''_

''_...and you complaining about having snow in your ears and underwear...''_

''_Helen Magnus, I never mentioned my underwear. But if that's what your diry mind connects with the word 'romantic'...''_

''_I know you can't see me right now, but I'll have you know that I'm rolling my eyes at you as we speak, Nikola.''_

''_...While grinning, I'm sure. You like me Helen. Admit it.''_

''_Sure. I adore you, now keep walking.''_

''_Just wait untill you have to do without me. You'll be bored to tears, wishing I could come crash your party and drag you away to help me execute a brilliant plan.''_

''_That will never happen''_

''_The wishing or the doing wihout me?''_

''_More searching, less talking Nikola.''_

* * *

It had been a pleasant drive, even though all they had done was chat about the news, the weather and small details of Nikola's New Life. They had laughed at silly anecdotes and Helen had been surprised when he had demonstrated that he knew all the words of a cheesy country song. Her good mood vanished the moment her Sanctuary came into view. As she pulled into her long driveway she once again found the now familiar feeling of uncertainty creep up on her. _What if, what if, what if..._.

''_This_ is your house?''

Nikola's eyes widened and he pointed at the majestic building.

''It's... a cathedral!''

Helen simply shrugged and shot him a small smile.

''I only use a small section of the building as my personal living space. It also houses my staff and the rest of it we share with... other inhabitants.''

''Like a hotel?''

''More like a sanctuary''

He frowned and took in the building before Helen manouvered her car into her parking space. She and Nikola sat there as if they had just ended a first date, each waiting and feeling awkward because neither of hem knew what to do next. He was smiling.

''Isn't this the part where you invite me in for coffee and offer me a grand tour?''

She took a deep breath. _Welcome to your life, Nikola. Meet the mermaid. And Bigfoot. El Chupacabra and... me._ She had done this before, but it felt so strange to introduce her oldest friend to the wonders of their world... They got out of the car and Helen motioned at him to follow her.

''First things first...''

* * *

She had prepared him the best she could. She had tried to, but judging by the look on Nikola's face, he hadn't quite expected her butler to look like..._that_. Maybe the fact that he had come up from behind, letting out a low, growling 'Tesla', hadn't really helped Nikola feel at ease either.

''What..._is_ that?''

Her old friend grunted in response and Helen hoped he would cut her even older friend some slack considering the circumstances. Bigfoot stared at the ex vampire, but did as she had hoped he would do.

''He's best known as Bigfoot.''

Nikola raised his eyebrow, but seemed to be doing OK now.

''Oh jeez. This is the moment in which you tell me that I'm the invisible man. Or that a radioactive spider once bit me in the ass and turned me into...''

She tried to hide a smile as she held up her hand to silence him.

''Not quite and as I said: First things first. Follow me, please.''

''This is insane...''

* * *

Helen chuckled and led him to the elevator, grateful for the fact that most of her staff was elsewhere. At least now she could give him the general tour without getting distracted. He had fallen silent, but she could tell he was absorbing everything with the same kind of fascination she had gotten used to from him. He studied the abnormals, grabbed random pieces of equipment to twirl them in his hands and he listened to what Helen considered to be her Introduction Speech for Newbies. Right now they were sitting in her office and he was staring at her.

''Bigfoot is your butler, you have a mermaid in a fish tank and I'm pretty sure that some of those creatures have more than one head... How could I possibly belong here? Did I work for you?''

She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't quite find the right words yet. Couldn't he_ feel_ he was different? Nothing had seemed to ring a bell. Nikola Tesla even seemed a little... shocked.

''Haven't you noticed anything out of the ordinary about yourself?''

He continued to stare at her and she could tell that his mind was racing. He threw his hands in the air.

''OK, fine. Metal objects seem to be sticking to me so every now and then, but that hardly makes me a... what did you call them? Abnormals? I'm not an abnormal''.

''Well...''

His mouth fell open ever so slightly.

''Out with it. Please.''

She felt uncomfortable now that their roles seemed to be reversed. Their vocabulary with it. She had some explaining to do, but wasn't sure where to start. He could walk away. He could choose not to believe her... And how was she supposed to make him understand why she had shot him, just to leave his body in the woods for fifteen years? How could she make him believe he was her best friend after telling him all that?

''Your name is Nikola Tesla. The real one. You're a scientist.''

That would give him something to chew on. His brilliant mind would connect the dots and he would figure out how old he...

''Who?''

Maybe not.

''You never heard about ...you?''

He shook his head and Helen was temporary flabbergasted. Amused as well, if she had to be perfectly honest with herself. She had remember this moment.

''You were a scientist back in the late 1800's. You invented the induction motor... and radio, amongst other things.''

''I invented radio.''

Helen nodded and bit her lip in order not to laugh at he idocracy of the situation.

''Around 1900. I can't remember the exact year, we had a lot going on back then.''

''You're funny''

''It's true.''

''Sure it is...''

''Did you _not_ just see the mermaid?''

''And I'm over a hundred years old because I have great genes.''

''No. That's because you were a vampire.''

He blinked a couple of times before bursting out in laughter. She couldn' help but join him, if only because she knew that it did sound like a bad science fiction movie. It was even funnier that she knew it was all true and that he was about to find that out as well.

''I'm a magnetic radio-inventing vampire _and_ I'm over a hundred years old. Really Helen...''

''Nikola! I repeat: Did you not just see the _mermaid_?''

''I don't even have fangs.''

''You got de-vamped.''

''I love to eat garl... De-vamped? What in earth does_ that_ mean?''

''You lost your vampirism.''

''In an epic battle with a clan of angry werewolves, I bet''

Helen sighed out of frustration. She had so much to explain to him.

* * *

''_Don't you miss it?''_

''_Miss what?''_

''_Me being a vampire. A dashingly charming one at that.''_

''_Says the dashingly charming one himself... And in case you missed it Nikola, I made the quotation mark sign when I said dashingly charming one''_

''_Emphasise all you want, it doesn't make it truer. And in case you missed it Helen... I smirked when I said that''_

''_Oh don't I know it. And I do actually... Miss it''_

''_Really?''_

''_...Now that we're wandering trough a forest, looking for a creature you could so easily have sniffed out had you still posessed your powers.''_

''_What am I, a saint bernard? Do I look like young Heinrich to you?''_

''_I could make a joke about barking and biting, but you'd just empty a bucket of innuendo over it.''_

''_You would expect nothing less.''_

* * *

Pictures, the history of The Five, parts of her Sanctuary files, another ''Tour de Mermaid'', more pictures and a short History of Nikola Tesla had managed to bring him over to the side of believers. Nikola had fallen silent and was now staring at some of he paperwork Helen had dumped on him. It was close to midnight and the lights of Old City shone brightly trough the windows. Helen was staring as well, but instead of the documents and Sanctuary interiour, she had chosen an object that was far less intriguing. It was a house, far in the disance and only visible when she squinted her eyes. It had no special meaning to her at all, but she had often wondered who lived there. Maybe she had passed them in the street, met them somewhere without knowing they were the ones who belonged in the house. Maybe they were ordinary people with no wild background, just as Nikola had been the past fifteen years...

She had seen it happen before. She had so often been the one to tell seemingly ordinary people that they had something that made them unique in a way no normal human being could ever experience. Some of them had always known that there was something different about them, but didn't fully realise. Most of them had lit up when they finally discovered that they weren't freaks or failures.

Nikola seemed fascinated. He hadn't known what he could do. His magnetism had meant_ nothing_ to him, which seemed oddly fitting. He never tested his boundries, he never wondered what would happen if he were to create a magnetic field. He hadn't been himself. He had spent years being ordinary and Helen felt... injustice.

She was ging to fix this. Fix him.

...Fix whatever it was that they once were.

.

**~TBC**

* * *

**Thanks for your time!  
**Next chapter will show you some reconnecting and... stuff. :) I decided not to make the 'Helen tries to convince Nikola bit' too big. It doesn't really matter what exactly she tells him about who he is and what she does. I'll leave it up to your collective imagination and good sense. It's not one of those awesome memory loss stories in which Niko must find himself again, I'm afraid. I mean, he does have to but it's not the main focus and...

I'll shut up and go _write_ now. ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**From Where You Are**

**~Chapter 8**

Nikola had fallen asleep on her sofa, his hands almost clinging to the files she had made him read. Helen felt tired too, but she still couldn't sleep without waking up in the middle of the night even now that her dreams had morphed into slightly better ones. She hadn't bothered getting dressed and was wearing a robe that she knew would have earned her lewd remarks from Nikola in the past. A smile graced her lips as she thought about that. She knew he would bite his tongue now, but either way, she wouldn't have mind.

Nikola shifted and Helen moved from her spot in the doorway. She felt like a voyeur, but made it up with herself by saying she was watching him in the name of science. He was wearing jeans and a turtleneck sweater. His hair was short and he seemed a bit more tense. He was still 'Benny', a persona that didn't suit him and Helen seemed to be the only one who had noticed. She crouched next to his sleeping form and wondered if her next move was too cheesy or not. It was, but she didn't care.

She checked to see if he was as fast asleep as she thought he was and gently ran her hand trough his hair. Her teeth pressed into her lower lip and she figured that him opening his eyes the moment she touched him, might not be a good thing but she was busted and didn't pull her hand back because it wouldn't matter anymore

''Helen?''

She knew she was staring at him and he looked at her , confused but not freaked out by her close proximity. She let the tips of her fingers slide over his cheek. They were both comfortable and Helen smiled.

''There is so much I need you to remember, but there are also things I would love to have you forget.''

He gently grabbed her hand and held on to it while he moved to sit up.

''Tell me. Inform me of some of the little, random things you want me to know about.''

Helen got up from the floor and sat on the couch, pulling her legs up.

''It won't help you, Nikola.''

''It'll help you.''

She let out a soft laugh and reached over to squeeze his knee. This was too cute and it made her want to giggle and hug him. She didn't of course, but the urge was there.

''We're not here to help me. I'm the doctor, you're my abnormal.''

''_Your_ abnormal, huh?''

She wanted to ignore his comment the way she usually did and he was already opening his mouth to move on to something else, but she didn't let him.

''Yeah. My abnormal. You're a handful, Nikola Tesla.''

He grinned and looked down to where her hand was still occupying his knee.

''Is that why you're groping me?''

''I'm not...''

She looked down as well and pulled her hand back. She didn't blush and that fact didn't bother her at all. She looked a him, taking in his face, his eyes...

''This is us, I guess. Back when you were you. It has always been hard to define the friendship we had, so we just... went with it. ''

He frowned.

''Well... That sounds romantic''

''I never said anything about romance.''

''Really? I got the impression that we...''

He fell silent but waved his hand between them. She cocked her head and gave him a look that urged him to continue. He didn't and Helen was curious.

''What made you think that?''

He looked away to avoid her gaze. That or something really interesting was happening outside. He liftted his hand to scratch his head. Had he truly been a Benny she would have taken pity on him and moved on to another subject but he wasn't.

''Nikola?''

''It's the way you look at me. It's so... But hey what do I know? I've never been good with women anyway.''

He grinned and his eyes met hers. She couldn't imagine that look not melting anyone.

''Wanda seemed very... found of you?''

His eyes sparkled with amusement and Helen realised ust a moment too late that her statement had come out like a question and that she had sonded a little too eager to know.

''She is. Found of me. ''

''Oh.''

She mentally cursed herself but she couldn't help it. Nikola nodded but held out on information. On purpose of course. When and how had he managed to turn the tables anyway?

''Yeah she and I... we're very close. Birds of a feather. She adores me. But that's only a good thing to feel with the father of your love child.''

''What?''

Helen looked at him in disbelieve and she felt her breath hitch.

''Poor Timmy. He must miss me.''

''I... Oh. ''

Her heart dropped. She hadn't even asked if he had anyone to go back for. She'd ust assumed that there was no one except maybe Wanda. He had spend fifteen years there, so it wasn't unnatural for him to... She felt a little betrayed though. Even if she did know it wasn't how she should be feeling.

''That's... I'm happy for you.''

The tone of her voice was somber , but Helen hardly noticed as she fiddled with the hem of her robe. She tried to force out a smile but stopped when she heard Nikola chuckle softly.

''Are you sure there was never anything between us Helen?''

His smile beamed and Helen knew that he had been testing her. And yes. She sure was blushing now.

''Wanda's a friend. No love child. No love. Period.''

''Oh...''

''I couldn't help but think that maybe somewhere, I had someone looking for me. Someone who'd be hurt if I just...''

He shrugged and looked at the floor.

''What if I had broken any promises? What if I'd been forced to live with the idea that I had done something going against my beliefs when I got my memory back? It doesn't feel like fifteen years and now I know why. I know that fifteen years is nothing at our age.''

Helen found herself staring at him for a moment just to look away when his gaze shifted to her face.

''It's a long time when you miss someone, Nikola.''

''I know.''

* * *

''_You're humming. Stop it.''_

''_Oh cheer up Nikola. You should be happy about the fact that you put me in such a great mood.''_

''_I always lift your dark and glum spirit you just never admit it.''_

''_Yes. I love how you always manage to get my team to help fix the problems you create.''_

''_...To rescue you from a life of paperwork and budget meetings...''_

''_...To ruin quiet lunches and scientific breaktrough...''_

''_You never have quiet lunches Helen.''_

''_My point exactly.''_

''_Drama queen.''_

''_You sure are Nikola.''_

''_Your words? They hurt. Like daggers trough my...''_

''_Shut up?''_

''_Make me.''_

_..._

''_Ouch!''_

* * *

She ran in. Wearing heels and a skirt. She'd be impressed with herself if she would have had the time to think about that. Helen looked around and found Nikola sitting at one of the large tables she liked to use when she had research to do. This time it was almost empty.

Nikola fiddled with a pen and a piece of paper and looked up at her a little startled.

''Sally told me her therapy is starting to pay off?''

She had expected him to be ...happier. Not extatic, but glad at least. The mermaid had been 'prodding' Nikola's mind as he himself had called it. He had help from an insect that supposedly had the power to translate long forgotten memories into dreams or, again as Nikola called it, 'weird little LSD trips'. and he had been on a regime of tea from the root extract of a South East Asian memory retrieving plant. And now... he had a bunch of memories in his head he couldn't quite interpret yet.

He nodded and used the pen in his hand to point at the paper on the table.

''I was just about to write you a note to meet me.''

He sounded off. A little distant and it was aimed at her.

''Well...''

She tried to ignore his tone of voice but it unsettled her anyway.

''... we could have lunch before I go to meet Will and Henry? Maybe go out? It's a nice day.''

''No. No... let's just... stay. Here.''

Helen narrowed her eyes and cocked her head.

''Okay...''

Nikola dropped the pen and blurted out what he had most likely wanted to ask her in a much more eloquent way.

''You shot me and I died. Why?''

She supressed a gasp and a train of nice and logic answers for her to give wooshed trough her mind and drove past the station at high speed without even slowing down a little. _I shot you because it was the humane thing to do. I shot you because yiou were dying a horrible death. I shot you because..._

''You ...told me to?''

Yes. Good answer. It made sense... in a way. To her. Not to Nikola though, judging by the look on his face.

''I told you to end me?''

''Yes?''

She smiled a small smile and felt silly.

''Why?''

''You were dying.''

''You killed me because I was dying. Really... does that sound good to you?''

It didn't. Not really but it was the truth. Helen knew this was the time to elaborate, but her mental train had left behind a thick silence in her head.

''Maybe I should have wrapped the answer in shiny paper and put a nice bow on it, but yes. Sort of.''

''Why didn't you tell me this before?''

''Because... I _shot_ you Nikola. I effectively ended your life and left you there. I planned on telling you but...''

She shrugged and Nikola briefly closed his eyes in understanding.

''You were afraid I'd leave.''

He took her silence as confirmation and stood up.

''I love you. I'm not sure in what kind of way and the shardes of memory I can call up are of no use while figuring that out, but I do. And I know that this twisted love is mutual. I'm not mad or afraid or ready to go. It's just...''

Helen looked up at him and allowed another small smile to grace her lips.

''You shot me. ..._Again_.''

* * *

''_Stop hitting me!''_

''_Stop hitting _on_ me.''_

''_Never. You like it.''_

''_I... most certainly do not.''_

''_There was a pause.''_

''_I was breathing Nikola.''_

''_You were gasping. Admit it.''_

''_I... no!''_

_..._

''_Stop smirking.''_

_..._

''_You're insufferable.''_

_..._

''_Fine. Smirk. I'll be over there where I don't have to stare at you.''_

''_Just keep ..._breathing_ Helen''_

* * *

He remembered now. Not everything but shreds of information. The hunt. The killing... He seemed fine with it mainly because Nikola knew Helen better than she sometimes seemed to know herself. So what if she had shot him? What if she had left him there and never came back to find whatever was left of him? She cast a glance over to where he was standing. He forgave her because he loved her, but that did hardly anything to settle the inner demons Helen was still silently fighting. They had walked together. sat down by lakes and trees. They had shared bottles of wine and they had made an effort to find that strong base they once had as a foundation to their friendship. As for as she could tell Nikola seemed to like their re-established or re-found bond. They never spoke of it and simply enjoyed whatever it was that was blossoming between them so slowly that it was barely noticable. To Helen, their moments together were precious but still a bit frail. They had fun in a way only the pair of them could have, but she just could not shake the feeling that Nikola would start blaming her for leaving him behind at some point.

He caught her looking at him and smiled as if he could read her mind and wanted to reassure her. She didn't even try to hide the fact that she had been throwing glances at him for the best part of the previous hour. She winked in response, not caring that Will was standing next to Nikola, rolling his eyes because he seemed to lack a crucial gene enabling him to like Tesla even in a less arrogant version. Nikola turned back to continue his conversation and Helen went back to pretending to work. For a glorious moment the thought flashed trough her mnd that everything was going to be just fine and she planned to hold on to that for now.

**~TBC**

* * *

**Yeah. his is taking me a little (heh. ) longer than I anticipted *blushes*. I shall kick RL's bum and finish this one though. Ha! :) Thanks for your time and patience!**


	9. Chapter 9

**From Where You Are**

**~Chapter 9**

Winter still lingered in the air, but springtime was definitely forcing it's way trough the chill. The same principle seemed to be applyable in the mazes of Nikola's brain. It had been months since Helen found her old friend in the small village she had left him in all those years ago, and slowly Nikola was starting to become his old self again. While she was loathe to admit it... so was she. Apparantly it was good to have Nikola Tesla in her life. Never had Helen truly believed that love, it being born out of friendship or romance, could make colours seem more vibrant or food taste better than it did in reality, but it came close.

She rested her head on his shoulder and wondered if curling up on the sofa was the wisest thing to do. Probably not but it felt amazing. She could hear the sounds of birds outside her open window and she could smell the freshly mown lawn. Spring was calling for her to step outside, but she knew that she wouldn't be getting up anytime soon. Nikola stirred underneath her to move his probably sore arm.

''You weigh a lot.''

''Now that's a charming thing to say to a lady.''

She looked up with a mock frown while he moved his head down so that their noses were almost touching.

''I think the lady went trough more venomous verbal abuse in her long, long life.''

''And now you're commenting on her age? Really Nikola...''

''Indirectly.''

''...But still...''

''I do still love you.''

She blinked and suddenly felt her doubts seep trough again. She needed to know he wouldn't change his mind and realise that he was better off wihout her. Helen tried to find the answers in his eyes but found nothing but a mischievous sparkle.

''Maybe you shouldn't.''

''Nonsense.''

She moved her hand up to touch his cheek and let her fingertips slide down to his chin. He still wasn't quite the man she used to know. Not yet and maybe not ever. He didn't even look the same, with the stubble on his jaws and his ruggidly handsome casual wear.

She was going to kiss him. No doubt about it. His lips were hovering only inches away and judging by the way his body reacted to her touch, he was having plans mirroring hers. Helen wasn't nervous about the action, but the consequences made her shiver. Would they be able to walk away? Make it seem like a joke if they found that having the tension was better than giving in? She moved forewards, closed her eyes and brushed her lips against his. She felt another shiver run trough her body as his fingers tangled in her hair to pull her even closer. Helen slightly parted her lips in anticipation, only to be met with the feeling of warm air against them.

''Come back'', she whispered the two words soft enough to sound gentle, but there was enough force in her voice to betray the hint of frustration she felt at him not kissing her. She opened one eye and found Nikola laughing in response.

''Are you sure?''

She nodded and he fumbled with her hair.

''OK''

He said it in a tone of voice that shouldn't have betrayed his feelings. He sounded careless. Almost uninterested. She knew he was nervous the moment she looked into his eyes.

''Nikola?

''It's nothing.''

Helen waited and he still wasn't doing what he was supposed to be doing. He still had his hands in the position they had been in when this started and there was also the little fact that he wasn't kissing her.

''Nothing? _Nothing_ is what's happening now.''

She smirked, hoping to solve this bump in the road so they could steamroll their way into her newly formed plans for the day.

''I... It's... this is huge, Helen.''

''It's a kiss! It's not like we haven't shared any before.''

He stared at her and she stared back. He was struggling to find his words and with Nikola Tesla that was never a good sign.

''This isn't like those times, is it though? This isn't going to be us messing around or pretending or stealing anything from each other. I can tell. We're not going to do this as foreplay for some quick roll in the hey ecause we're lonely or upset. '' He blinked and briefly considered his words to quickly add: ''...Not that I anticipate any rolling now. ''

She chuckled and kissed him on the cheek.

''It's just that this is different and new and...''

Helen nodded in understanding and finished the sentence he left hanging.

''Huge.''

''And you still want this?''

A small smile appeared on her lips as she looked down at him.

''After all this talking it's more a _need_ than a simple desire, you tease.''

Finally his hands started moving in her hair and over her body again. They were still staring, sharing little smiles, a wink and several glances at each other's lips. It was a like a little game, a dance of seduction and Helen could feel the atmosphere change ever so slightly. Something was brooding, tension was building slowly and if she was honest with herself, she'd have to admit that 'rolling' could definitely be an option for her. Nikola was the first one to lean in and close the gap between their mouths and Helen let out a small gasp just before their lips met in the sweetest kiss she remembered having received in at least 50 years.

One of them added a tongue, then someone became more adventurous in the movements of their hands. Sensitive skin was touched softly with exploring fingertips and thicker skin got attacked with digging and scratching nails. Lower lips were bitten playfully and necks got licked and sucked on. He had lost his shirt and her top had een moved up so that it exposed her lower back. She wasn't feeling dazed, no fluffy mist filled her mind. On the contrary even. Helen Magnus was very focussed on their current ...make out session. She kissed the part of Nikola's neck under his ear and let out a soft, almost girly giggle.

* * *

''_You could kiss it better?''_

''_Suck it up Tesla, you're big bad ex-vampire''_

''_...Or you could do that, though it sounds a little kinky.''_

''_I didn't hit you on purpose Nikola.''_

''_Still hurts.''_

''_You were sneaking around in a darkened motel room...''_

''_Still hurts .''_

''_...where we have an abnormal hidden in the closet...''_

''_It'll bruise.''_

''_Fine.''_

''_Ah...Your kisses are kind of kinky too Ms. Magnus.''_

''_Oh shut up and get back to bed Nikola''_

''_Which one?''_

''_Goodnight!''_

* * *

Nothing had happened (Well, nothing that would permanently have scarred any members of her staff had they walked in anyway), but Helen felt relaxed, happy and even a bit giddy, though she would never admit to even _thinking_ that word in relation to herself. Helen looked at herself in the old fashioned standing mirror that had shown her reflection clad in just about every style of clothing the last few decades had produced. Conservative when she had a meeting, thick leather when preparing for combat and showing just the right mount of cleavage needed to get the right person's attention. Dressed up, dressed down and in varying levels of undress. Yet, it had been while since she had paid this much attention to said reflection for the sole purpose of looking appealing for someone else.

She let her hands slide over her waistline snd let out soft sigh. She looked good for an old lady. Maybe even really good if she allowed herself some vanity. The fabric of her blue dress (which was a little on the short side, but hey...) somewhat shimmered as she moved and she knew it would lead his sight right to the parts of her body she wanted him to see. Helen wasn't nervous. She had done this all before. Without Nikola as well as with him. This would be the easy part. There would be food, candlelight, wine, walking and moonlight. Then hopefully, if all went the way she wanted it to go...

''Well holy mother of nature!''

She continued to look in the mirror, grinning as she heard and felt Nikola approach.

''I don't even need to show you off, you'll draw so much attention to yourself that people won't even notice me in the room. You look ravishing.''

His hand slipped around her waist and he pulled her close enough for her to feel his breath against her ear.

''Maybe we should just go out for a quick bite and rush back. You know... to get you out of those deliciously high heels.''

''Do you have any idea how long it took me to look this way?''

''You _always_ look this way.''

She noticed his wink and for a moment she contemplated giving in to his only semi- jokingly comment. She decided against it, because she wanted and maybe even needed to do this the proper way. She put up her best seductive voice.

''Nothing we do tonight will be_ quick_, Tesla.''

With that, she walked past him, brushing his cheek as she went. A moment of complete silence followed, before she heard Nikola trip over something, recover and hurry after her. He was so easy sometimes. It made her smile.

* * *

''Yoooooooooouuuuu are sooooo beautifuuuullll tohoo meee...''

Helen looked at the dark haired man on stage and shook her head in disbelieve. Of course she had seen men go trough great lengths for the one they loved, but this was quite humiliating. She glanced at the woman sitting at the table next to her and noticed that she was staring with open mouth at the slender guy who was singing his heart and quite possibly his lungs, out on stage.

''...Can't you seeeeeeheee?''

She giggled at the theatrical arm gestures accompanying the song and just when she was about to burst out in laughter, she felt Nikola's chin on her shoulder.

''Just so you know dear, I will never do ..._that_ for you.''

''That's why I love you darling.''

He smiled against her neck, sending a pleasant shiver up her spine. The other woman had turned bright red as her singing lover approached her table.

''Let's walk.''

Nikola took her hand, pulled her up and twirled her around. Helen let out a small giggle and locked eyes with the other woman for a second. She smiled at Helen and shrugged before turning her attention to her own crazy romantic man.

They held hands as they strolled trough the streets of the buzzing part of the city center. Her high heels were starting to hurt, but it was the kind of pain she had learnt to ignore. Nikola was done re-telling the story of one of their adventures and they were walking in a comfortale silence, allowing Helen to let her thoughts run freely.

''So... how's your memory now?''

He looked at her sideways and clenched her hand a little tighter.

''OK, I guess. I remember the big things. I know who I am, who you are, the things we've done... I know why we shouldn't be together and I know why we should.''

Helen let out a small sigh and stopped walking so she could face him.

''Tell me why we shouldn't be together?''

He shrugged and let go of her hand, using his own to count the reasons.

''You broke my heart before, I always end up leaving. I pretended to want you dead, you shot me several times, the last one being fatal. We're friends, so close that we know each other almost too well. I'm mortal and dying while you hardly even age and we might just be doomed. Need I go on?''

Helen shok her head and pulled a face.

''But?''

''You're really hot.''

She chuckled and walked away from him feigning insult. He followed and grabbed her waist when he caught up with her.

''...and I love you.''

She let her hands rest on his lower arms and he kissed her cheek. Helen closed her eyes and spun around to look him in the eyes.

''I left you behind. That's another point on the con side of the list.''

The playful gleam in his eyes got replaced with a softer look. He pulled his arms tighter around her and she was certain he could feel her heartbeat increase.

''This is still bothering you, isn't it?''

She nodded and bit her lower lip.

''I should have come to look for you, Nikola. Immediately, not after fifteen years... I left you behind. I loved you back then. I killed you and went home to live my life and...''

The kiss shut her up.

''You're forgiven. Stop rambling. I once left you for over sixty years, so I win.''

He winked and she felt her muscles relax.

''We'll always find each other, Helen. We might fight, maybe even dislike each other for a while but we need to be together. Masochists that we are... ''

It was her time to pull him in for a kiss and he returned it eagerly. She wanted him. She needed to feel and kiss and to make sure he knew just how happy she was for having found him again. She was going to hold him and hold on and while they could never fully make up for all the wrong they had done to each other troughout time, she hoped that she could at least make up for a decade or so.

''Take me home.''

And if things wouldn't work out for them, just as they hadn't before, at least they'd have tonight.

* * *

**Pure Fluff. They'll probably need it, if I look at the plans I have for this story. *nods***  
**Thanks for your time! And thanks for the reviews even if I haven't responded to them. They have made me happy, so *hugs* :)**


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